Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Other Prokorhov Short-Term Goals

From the annals of Russia's Most Interesting Man comes a fortuitous prediction. Mikhail Prokhorov, about as coy as the homecoming queen on prom night, is offering reporters a glimpse into his crystal ball. The Nets: from worst team in the league seven minutes ago to championship contender in 9 months.

And because anything is possible, he's even sketched out a plan on his lipstick-smudged cocktail napkin:
"For me there is only one place: No. 1," Prokhorov said. "And I'll do my best in order to reach a championship."
Later he added, curtsying and batting his lashes:
"I think it's the best arena in the world. I'm expecting a great rivalry with the Knicks."
Well played, Mikhail. Everyone needs goals, of course. And with petty millions to spend on silly ventures like becoming president of your homeland, Prokhorov's tycoon wish-list serves as an example to all bootstrap-pulling children of wealth that they, too, can do anything. Among his other short-term missions:
  • Invent flux capacitor. Visit to dinosaurs. Pick a fight with one.
  • Defeat Kobe Bryant in one-to-one basketball contest. Practice on Dirk.
  • Bury corpse of Jaroslav. Send ring finger to widow.
  • Complete purchase of Montserrat. Sell to China for DOUBLE!
  • Race helicopters with "Little Man" James Dolan across Atlantic.
  • Go to "Little Man" and his band jazz show. Sit in front and laugh SO loud.

Many of the remaining napkin scrawls from that Vodka-soaked evening were illegible, but the words "Little Man" and "Dolan" populated even the far ridges of that crumpled scroll.

Perhaps, with some convincing, Mr. Prokhorov might be in for a run as Brooklyn's mayor. Or its newest franchise restaurant dealer. Skyline's the limit.

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