Wednesday, January 25, 2012

We Ain' E'en Po' Be Here

These Knicks. First, fabulous names. Really United Nations-y of them to assemble a Carmelo, an Amare, a Landry, a Renaldo, an Iman and put them alongside a Bill, a Toney, a Steve, a Mike, and a Josh. It howls multiculti. We've created a safe space for enigmatic poets, Bradyesque icons of cool and Ivy League workmen. Lost in that sauce? A semblance of defense, the remaining ingenuity of Mike D'Antoni, Carmelo's confidence/arrogance, chemistry, heart, know, small details.

But as far as vanity teams go, James Dolan has finally composed his masterpiece. The 2012 Knicks may only rival last year's perennially dysfunctional Lakers and the 2005-6 Miami Heat and Dallas Maverick squads, whose stars had to roll with Antoine Walker's prudence, Ron Artest's cleverness and Kobe Bryant's patience. This version of reluctant team play and star-tending produces a joy I'm certain could only be replicated with a new time and temperature at Ye Olde Garden. The ingredients for a tumultuous (but not necessarily successful) vanity outfit:

  1. An Offensive EgoManiac
  2. An Overpaid (Misunderstood) Defensive Anchor
  3. A Delusional Bench Weirdo
  4. Undeserved Championship Favoritism
  5. Aging Guru Coach

Which brings us to...ball so hard, this sh*t weird/we ain' e'en po be here" the hauntingly eloquent and fitting Hov lyrics that describe the position of the current Knix team. They ain't po be here, by any stretch of the imagination, not in the conversation of title contenders, or even dark horse long shots.